Last Updated on April 17, 2025
Being a caregiver is a tough, and sometimes thankless, role. If you are your elderly parent’s main caregiver, it can be tough to find time for your employment, your own family, and the things that are important to you — like your interests and hobbies. After a while, even if you don’t want it to happen, this stress and strain can lead to caregiver resentment and what is referred to as caregiver burnout.
Even if you don’t want it to happen, suddenly you’re a little snappy with the person you’re taking care of, as well as your spouse and your own children. There are a few signs to look out for, so you know when caregiver resentment is creeping up, and some ways to stop burnout in its tracks. Read on to learn more about this special type of resentment and how you can do your best to avoid it.
What Are the Signs of Caregiver Resentment?
Long before burnout strikes, there are the beginning signs of caregiver resentment. But, how do you know you’re resentful? Perhaps you’re just having a bad day or a bad week, or you’re just feeling a little annoyed. Over a period of time, there are certain signs and “symptoms” that become noticeable that you should be aware of. Some of the key signs of caregiver resentment include:
- You feel forced or “locked” into this role
- You feel as if you aren’t “valued” by the person you’re taking care of, or you don’t feel appreciated for how much you do
- You feel your relationship with the person you take care of has been permanently altered by your role as caregiver
- You do not like feeling these conflicting emotions or being put in this position
- You have trouble identifying as a caregiver at all
- You have trouble watching a disease or condition alter or “change” your loved one (this has not as much to do with resentment, but can potentially lead to burnout)
- You feel cheated because most of your time is focused on another person
Most of these emotions or feelings convey an underlying feeling of resentment. It’s okay to feel resentful — it’s just important to identify it before it progresses to feeling angry or to reaching a level of burnout.
How Do You Reduce Caregiver Resentment?
There is a difference between resentment and burnout. Burnout may refer to a situation that warrants immediate action. A person who is completely burned out simply can’t go on much longer without help. If you’re resentful, then you’re resentful, and before you reach the burnout stage, there are some things you can do to turn that ship around before it sinks. Reduce caregiver resentment by:
- Asking for help. Before you reach out frantically for help, begin asking friends and family if they can help reduce some of your load. Whether you have caregiver resentment for a parent or caregiver resentment for a spouse, if you’re upset about it, it’s time to ask for help. If no friends or family are available, ask the insurance what help they may be able to provide.
- Reevaluate your situation. If you haven’t taken a closer look at how you handle tasks in a long time, it warrants a second look. Maybe there are some tasks you can cut out of your day, or some you can lump together to streamline the situation.
- Make sure your basic needs are met. It’s easy to be resentful if you’re hungry or thirsty. Ensure that, no matter what, you’re eating enough healthy food and drinking enough water throughout the day.
- Get support of your own. Make sure that you have support in place to help you. You need someone to talk to about caregiver resentment, whether it’s an online or in-person support group or your own personal therapist. This is something you truly do need to make time for, even if it doesn’t seem like there’s time.
When Does Caregiver Resentment Become Burnout?
There may be a point that you reach where you don’t want to be a caregiver anymore. That is a perfectly okay decision to make. However, before you step out of that role, perhaps it’s time first just to take a step back and try some alternatives. You may be eligible for some type of family leave at your place of employment. Even if it’s just for a week or two, it might just be enough to help restore some of your mental health. Your loved one, depending on their condition, may also qualify for an in-home health aide or nurse.
If hospice is involved, then hospice respite care may be an option for you, and you might be able to have a weekend for yourself. Remember, it’s not selfish — it’s self-care. You’ll return relaxed, hopefully with less caregiver resentment, and in better shape to take care of your loved one.
Prevention Strategies: Stopping Resentment Before It Starts
While recognizing the signs of caregiver resentment is important, taking proactive steps to prevent these feelings from developing can save you significant emotional distress. Consider implementing these prevention strategies:
- Develop a rotation system with family members from the beginning, rather than waiting until you’re overwhelmed
- Create a caregiving schedule that includes dedicated breaks for yourself
- Keep a journal to track your emotions and identify patterns before negative feelings intensify
- Have regular family meetings to discuss caregiving responsibilities and adjust as needed
- Set realistic expectations about what you can reasonably accomplish as a caregiver
Specific Self-Care Practices for Caregivers
Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential for maintaining your ability to provide care. Here are practical self-care techniques specifically designed for busy caregivers:
- Micro-breaks: Even 5-10 minute breaks throughout the day to breathe deeply, stretch, or enjoy a cup of tea can help reset your mental state
- Sleep hygiene: Prioritize your sleep quality with a consistent bedtime routine, even if care responsibilities limit your hours
- Physical movement: Simple exercises you can do at home, such as chair yoga or gentle stretching, can reduce stress hormones
- Mindfulness practice: Brief meditation sessions using smartphone apps can be done while your loved one is napping
- Nature exposure: Spending just 20 minutes outside daily has been shown to significantly lower stress hormone levels
- Hobby preservation: Identify aspects of your favorite hobbies that can be adapted to fit smaller time windows
Setting Boundaries for Sustainable Caregiving
Establishing clear boundaries is crucial for preventing resentment:
- Learn to say no when additional requests would overextend you
- Clearly communicate your limits to your care recipient, family members, and healthcare providers
- Distinguish between wants and needs when evaluating care requests
- Create physical boundaries by designating certain spaces or times as “yours” when possible
- Practice direct communication when boundaries are crossed
- Reassess boundaries regularly as the care situation evolves
Professional Resources Beyond Support Groups
Additional professional resources that can provide relief include:
- Respite care services: Many communities offer programs specifically designed to give caregivers breaks
- Care management professionals: These specialists can help coordinate various aspects of care
- Employee assistance programs: Many workplaces offer free counseling sessions
- Caregiver training programs: Learning proper care techniques can reduce physical and emotional strain
- Financial advisors specializing in elder care: They can help navigate the financial aspects of caregiving
- Telemedicine options: Remote health monitoring can reduce the number of medical appointments you need to coordinate
Creating Long-Term Sustainability in Your Caregiving Role
For those in extended caregiving situations, sustainability is key:
- Develop a long-term care plan with defined phases and transition points
- Build a comprehensive care team rather than shouldering responsibilities alone
- Explore technology solutions that can automate some aspects of care monitoring
- Consider part-time professional care even if full-time isn’t needed yet
- Plan for your own future needs while caring for others
- Recognize when the current arrangement needs to change and be willing to reevaluate
When to Consider Alternative Care Arrangements
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the current caregiving arrangement may not be sustainable. Signs that it might be time to consider alternatives include:
- Persistent feelings of resentment despite implementing coping strategies
- Declining physical health due to caregiving demands
- Inability to meet your own basic needs consistently
- Deteriorating relationship with the care recipient
- Safety concerns for either you or your loved one
Alternative care arrangements might include assisted living facilities, nursing homes, adult day care combined with in-home help, or shared care responsibilities among multiple family members. Remember that seeking alternative arrangements isn’t failure—it’s ensuring both you and your loved one receive appropriate care. To learn more about caregiver resentment or mobility products that can be life-changing for patients, such as wheelchair ramps or stairlifts, contact Williams Lift Co. today. We want both patients and their caregivers to live their best lives.